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November 13–17, 2024
Violet did not initiate contact after the gazebo.
On Wednesday, Jack sent her a face-in-the-clouds emoji. She responded, and the conversation continued. On Thursday, he reached out again.
“I dislike rainy Thursdays when it’s dark at 5 o’clock.” Then he asked, “Interested in talking later?”
“Busy tonight,” Violet replied. Jack sent a picture of the dinner he was making for himself and his son.
Violet clarified. “Maybe this weekend.”
Jack responded. “I’m free anytime Sunday.”
“Church and napping might take up a lot of time Sunday.”
“Would you be open to having me join you for either?”
Violet was surprised.
“Seriously? You were pretty adamant about not wanting to come to church.”
“Or both.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“Is that dress a shallow answer?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I would never go with that answer. I was going to say the excitement in your voice when you talk about your congregation.”
“You are so full of shit.”
She asked whether his change of heart had anything to do with the fact that she had told him a man from church had asked her out.
“That didn’t cross my mind,” Jack said. “I was just hoping to spend some time with you.”
Violet was not sure how she felt about that.
Jack had continued initiating contact, but the conversation from the gazebo remained unresolved. He still had not answered the question she had asked him: Why had he waited until after sex to tell her about Michelle?
Now he wanted to come to church with her.
“I just think church would be weird,” Violet told him. “People will have ideas. They might think I like you or something.”
Jack said that her best friend already knew.
“You don’t know what I’ve told her. And she isn’t people.”
Then Violet asked him directly.
“Are you really ready for everyone to think you’re my boyfriend?”
Jack: “I enjoy spending time with you.” It was not an answer.
Violet teased him that he could charm all the church ladies and told him he needed to expand his religious horizons. “In what ways?” he asked. “I’m not very charming.”
“I guess you’ll have to come to find out.”
“If I behave can we nap after?”
“Maybe.”
The conversation turned playful as they joked about what Violet might wear to church and whether the promised nap would follow.
But Violet was also thinking seriously about Jack’s request.
Her congregation was not simply somewhere she went on Sundays. It was where she had raised her children, served in leadership and built relationships with people who knew her well. She believed strongly in the power of community, especially a faith community, to change a person’s life. It had saved her life more than once.
Jack had left ministry, but leaving a church did not mean someone stopped being spiritual. No longer aligning with a particular institution did not erase the part of a person that still searched for meaning, connection or something larger than themselves.
Violet had heard that part of Jack in his sermon. She had seen it in his response to her credo and in the way he spoke about religion and justice. She believed that when he left ministry, he had lost more than a job.
She thought he might need something spiritually.
By Friday night, Jack was still seeking reassurance. “Are you truly open to me coming on Sunday?”
“Yes.”
“I like the thought of that. And I’m a bit anxious.”
“You like the thought of what?”
“Community.”
That answer mattered to Violet.
“And what makes you anxious?”
“I’m awkward… have you met me.”
Violet: “Have you met me?” She explained that it was a Community Sunday and sent him the congregation’s website.
Jack: “You met me at a strange time.”
“I still don’t know what that means.”
Jack asked whether her daughter would be there. Violet told him she planned to attend because a young adult she had graduated with would be offering a credo after the activities.
He initially suggested meeting them there at ten, but Violet offered to pick him up.
“I may like that best,” he said.
Then Jack told her he was seeing his therapist on Monday.
“Not really sure why I felt compelled to share that so randomly.”
“I was thinking the same thing.”
“Guess I feel the same way about going with you to church,” he said. “I know it’s good. And it’s filled with lots of emotion.”
“You have emotions?” Violet teased.
“Just one.”
“Sad.”
He sent her a kiss emoji.
“Oh right.”
“It makes me happy.”
“You know that makes no sense. Do you want to be sad forever?”
“I’m afraid to hope again.”
“Why?”
“That’s why I’m sad.”
“What about hope scares you?”
Jack asked whether she had ever seen The Shawshank Redemption.
“Of course.”
They talked about the prisons people create for themselves.
“To keep us safe,” Jack said. “Even if we’re lonely.”
“Safety is an illusion,” Violet replied. “Nothing in life is safe.”
“I miss you.”
The words landed in the middle of the conversation.
“Ughhhhh,” he added.
Then he asked, “What do you see that I need most?”
“You’re the only one who knows that answer,” Violet told him. “I can’t fix you. You have to be honest with yourself.”
“I don’t know how to fix that ache.”
He compared emotional maintenance to the computerized systems in new cars, then said he should rest.
“I think you need to learn how to love yourself,” Violet told him.
The conversation drifted back to her credo and the night she had read it to him.
“You wanted me to read your credo directly,” he said. “I’m glad I asked you to hold first.”
He told her that he loved beauty wherever it appeared.
“It’s everywhere,” Violet replied. “And within us.”
The next morning, she told him, “Beauty is within you.”
“It must be buried deep,” he answered. “I can’t see it.”
Violet sent him Joy Oladokun’s song “look up” and an image reminding him to love himself.
“Mondays aren’t always bright
Some days, you lose thе fight
But life can be beautiful if you let it be
Tomorrow keeps taunting you
With all kinds of mystery
It’s a blank page for your poetry
If you let it be”
By Sunday morning, Violet was very nervous.
She picked Jack up, and they met her daughter at church. They found seats toward the back.
Jack seemed nervous too. Violet could feel the tension in his body beside her. Without drawing attention to it, she pressed her side against his. She did it instinctively, knowing the quiet contact would help ground him.
The service that morning included traditional worship and hymns. Afterward, the congregation could choose from several activities as part of Community Sunday. Violet and Jack chose a musical activity where they learned to play percussion.
It was awkward at first. Then the separate sounds began to come together.
Soon everyone was playing as a group. Jack was smiling broadly. He appeared to be genuinely enjoying himself.
After the percussion activity, they stayed to hear a credo offered by another member of the congregation, a young adult who had graduated with Violet’s daughter.
They did not stay long after the credo. Jack suggested lunch, so they stopped at a nearby restaurant for burgers.
Jack ordered two beers with his meal.
They made small talk. At one point, Jack noted that he had now been separated for two years. He spoke a little about the separation, but Violet did not press him for details. After lunch, he asked whether her offer of an after-church nap was still good.
They returned to Violet’s house and went into her bedroom. Violet remained clothed. Jack took off his shirt, and they lay beside each other on the bed. There were no sexual overtones. They were simply present next to each other. Jack told her he had liked being able to feel her touch during the service. He had forgotten how good it felt to sing hymns in a group.
Then they slept. When they woke, it was late afternoon.
“I want to show you something,” Violet told him.
Jack became excited. He loved the idea that she had something she wanted to share with him. She led him into the backyard and down a small hill to her swing. The sun was preparing to set, and the swing offered a perfect view.
They sat together for a long time. Sometimes they talked. Sometimes they watched in silence as the sky changed into incredible colors.
“Fuuuuck,” Jack said, reflecting the way the beauty of the colors could take your breath away.
It was after seven when he finally said he should go home. He offered to get an Uber, but Violet told him she was happy to drive him.
As darkness settled around them, he kissed her. It was unlike any kiss they had shared before. It was extremely soft and slow. Jack held her face in his hands.
Walking back up the hill with little light left, Violet warned him to watch for a stump. He joked that she should not laugh if he fell. “Oh, I’m definitely going to laugh if you fall,” Violet replied.
He sounded wounded. “Really? We just had a moment.” Violet shrugged.
They had spent almost ten hours together.
It had been a lovely, relaxing day. Jack had been sweet and fun to be around. He had seemed to appreciate her congregation, the music and the chance to be part of a community again. He had not been sexual with her or pressured her in any way, emotionally or physically. They had attended church, eaten burgers, slept beside each other and watched the sunset from her swing.
They were comfortable in each other’s presence. They did not need to fill every silence or turn every moment into something more. The questions were still unanswered. Nothing between them had been resolved.
Violet had pulled back, and Jack had kept reaching for her.
Violet reminds him that they still need to talk about what comes next, but that she appreciated being present with him.
And just like that, they were close again.